Rejection is tough. Rejection is an inconvenient slap in the face that tends to come after hard work: a proposal for a grant, a pitch to investors, a job application or a presentation to propose an idea to the boss.
At some point in my life, I’d gotten in the habit of only taking a glance at new correspondence, used as I was to the fact emails would very frequently start with the known “we regret to inform you…” or the gelid “unfortunately…”. Polite rejection had become a too familiar face to me. I would always strictly delete rejection emails from my inbox, in a way I wouldn’t feel the bad ‘energy’ those emails were radiating, even if I didn’t read them.
The bad feeling behind rejection is, though, somewhat egocentric (why didn’t they choose me, the best of the best there is), and it takes a different tone if you see it from a probabilistic perspective. First, you need to remove yourself from the “main character” mindset. This is called The Spotlight Effect1 and is a psychological phenomenon where we overestimate the degree to which other people are noticing our actions, behaviors, or appearance. The phrase Spotlight Effect was coined by a group of psychologists in 2000. They asked a student to wear an embarrassing shirt (with Barry Manilow on it) and estimate how many of their classmates noticed the outfit. The student estimated 50%, when in reality only 25% did. It's an egocentric bias—we see everything through a "Player 1" lens and believe our perspective is the only perspective.
As one more face in a sea of infinite unknown faces, if you calculate the probability of standing out from millions of others trying to stand out, you end up reasoning that the most likely figure would be something really small. The ease of the mechanisms by means of which we can create content, reach out and/or apply to things (grants, jobs, investment, contests) is the same reason others can do the same, therefore we are always put to compete with many trying to accomplish the exact same thing we are trying to accomplish. And if we are not Player 1, then why would anyone choose us? But wait, isn’t this how losers think? Pure defeatism? Not really. Just because I am saying that probabilities are small, it does not mean they are zero.
To win, you gotta keep on trying. One fine day, the odds will align and your stuff might get through. Here’s a joke that sums it up.
A good Christian man kneels at the altar and prays:
— Lord, I’ve always been an obedient servant, I’ve never asked you for anything. I’m sixty-five now, please let me win the lottery.
Nothing.
Then next week, the man prays at the altar again:
— Lord, no one has been a better Christian than me, please let me win the lottery.
Still nothing.
The third week, the man kneels at the altar and says:
— Lord, I’ve been a faithful, observant Christian, please let me win the lottery.
A booming voice from above:
— Buy a ticket
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotlight_effect